When you disregard what others say and do for a prolonged period of time….
Eek. How long has it been my friend since I last posted? Hmmm…how utterly rude of me for which the penalty is surely a soda can straight to the face! Hmmm you know what I realized? As smart as I am (not trying to be conceited or arrogant; I am pretty smart. Not a genius, albeit, but pretty smart and insightful), I am really socially awkward. Even among my small group of close, dorky, strange friends. I’m still awkward. Or without intending, I’ll make moments awkward. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I’ve only just began to grasp it. Why do I twitch when I eat or drink? Why do I get annoyed and mad when guys ask me out or try to flirt with me or say I’m pretty? Why do I get super giddy and tearful about the sun and other little things? Why do I have a bad habit of mispronouncing words? What was the reason for my strange obsession with rocks thoughout elementary school? Why did I talk to myself until I was 12? Why do I get depressed when I haven’t read something in awhile? How come I don’t care if I get cheated on or not (I wouldn’t stay with the person, but I’d still be friends)? WHAT’S MY DEAL?!
I’m not trying to make myself seem special; everyone is different. I just wish I was a different brand of different ‘cause I don’t understand the brand I have haha does that make sense?
Walking Concepts
People need to stop living in the ideas they hold of each other. Not only is it completely unreliable, but it can also be extremely dangerous. You could be so blinded within the manipulation you yourself created, based off of something so delusive and wavering. Just because she’s a cheerleader doesn’t mean she’s stupid or slutty. Just because he wears black doesn’t mean he’s depressed or self-destructive. Just because they’re popular doesn’t mean they’re bitches or assholes. Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s girly. Just because she steals doesn’t mean she’s bad. Just because they’re smart doesn’t mean they’re boring. Just ‘because they’re attractive doesn’t mean they’re good or bad.
These….what the hell would you call it? Traits. These traits or tendencies…they don’t define you. The way you look, your sexuality, what clothes you wear, what sport(s) you play, what clubs or classes you’re involved in, your fucking social status or salary, who you hang with…all these things….they do not define you.
We all have these ideas of each other. Usually based off general expectations created by movies or magazines, or well-known public figures or some other societal factor. Sometimes it’s just based off of a certain demeanor we feel from that person. You can either run with that idea….or you can let it die and find out.
“Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we’re quoting.” -John Green (Someone always Says it Better)
Following my little rant on books and such, I’ve decided to incorporate a list of quotes from the various authors aforementioned. I hope this will catch someone’s interest enough for them to read what these authors have written=)
Harry Potter
1. “After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure”
-Dumbledore
2. “Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain”
-Arthur Weasley
3. “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities”
-Dumbledore
4. “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals”
-Sirius Black
5. “You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you’ll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no….anything. There’s no chance at all of recovery. You’ll just exist. As an empty shell”
-Remus Lupin
Uglies
1. “Keep yourself Special. The world may need you some day.”
-Dr. Cable
2.”That’s not me. It’s some committes’s idea of me”
-Shay
3.”Maybe they didn’t want you to realize that every civilization has its weakness. There’s always one thing we depend on. And if someone takes it away, all that’s left is some story in a history class”
-David
4.”Your personality-the real you inside-was the price of beauty”
5. “life doesnt come with an instruction manual”
Neil Gaiman Quotes
1.”Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
2.“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
3.“Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.”
― Neil Gaiman
4.“People think dreams aren’t real just because they aren’t made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.”
― Neil Gaiman
5.“I think I fell in love with her, a little bit. Isn’t that dumb? But it was like I knew her. Like she was my oldest, dearest friend. The kind of person you can tell anything to, no matter how bad, and they’ll still love you, because they know you. I wanted to go with her. I wanted her to notice me. And then she stopped walking. Under the moon, she stopped. And looked at us. She looked at me. Maybe she was trying to tell me something; I don’t know. She probably didn’t even know I was there. But I’ll always love her. All my life.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: Worlds’ End
Never Let Me Go
1.“We took away your art because we thought it would reveal your souls. Or to put it more finely, we did it to prove you had souls at all.”
― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
2.“All children have to be deceived if they are to grow up without trauma.”
― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
3.“When we lost something precious, and we’d looked and looked and still couldn’t find it, then we didn’t have to be completely heartbroken. We still had that last bit of comfort, thinking one day, when we grow up, and we were free to travel around the counry, we would always go and find it in Norfolk…And that’s why years and years later, that day Tommy and I found another copy of that lost tape of mine in a town on the Norfolk coast, we didn’t just think it pretty funny; we both felt deep down some tug, some old wish to believe again in something that was once close to our hearts.”
― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
4.“It had never occurred to me that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed.”
― Kazuo Ishiguro
5.“Maybe from as early as when you’re five or six, there’s been a whisper going at the back of your head, saying: “One day, maybe not so long from now, you’ll get to know how it feels.” So you’re waiting, even if you don’t quite know it, waiting for the moment when you realise that you really are different to them; that there are people out there, like Madame, who don’t hate you or wish you any harm, but who nevertheless shudder at the very thought of you – of how you were brought into this world and why – and who dread the idea of your hand brushing against theirs. The first time you glimpse yourself through the eyes of a person like that, it’s a cold moment. It’s like walking past a mirror you’ve walked past every day of your life, and suddenly it shows you something else, something troubling and strange.”
― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
John Green Quotes
1.“Thomas Edison’s last words were ‘It’s very beautiful over there’. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
2.“Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (…) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
3.“What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
4.“It’s not because I want to make out with her.”
Hold on.” He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he’d just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. “I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
5.“What is an “instant” death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
6.“I’m not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
7.“The town was paper, but the memories were not.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
8.“He was gone, and I did not have time to tell him what I had just now realized: that I forgave him, and that she forgave us, and that we had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth. There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can’t know better until knowing better is useless. And as I walked back to give Takumi’s note to the Colonel, I saw that I would never know. I would never know her well enough to know her thoughts in those last minutes, would never know if she left us on purpose. But the not-knowing would not keep me from caring, and I would always love Alaska Young, my crooked neighbor, with all my crooked heart.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
9.“Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of the human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement, There was no planning for a career. There was no planning. No time for plannning. No time for a future. But then the life spans started getting longer, and people started having more and more future. And now life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future—you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
10.“Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
11. “When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
12. “That’s always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they’re pretty. It’s like picking your breakfeast cereals based on color instead of taste.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
13. “Here’s what’s not beautiful about it: from here, you can’t see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. You can see how fake it all is. It’s not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It’s a paper town. I mean, look at it, Q: look at all those culs-de-sac, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I’ve lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
14. “And all at once I knew how Margo Roth Spiegelman felt when she wasn’t being Margo Roth Spiegelman: she felt empty. She felt the unscaleable wall surrounding her. I thought of her asleep on the carpet with only that jagged sliver of sky above her. Maybe Margo felt comfortable there because Margo the person lived like that all the time: in an abandoned room with blocked-out windows, the only light pouring in through holes in the roof. Yes. The fundamental mistake I had always made—and that she had, in fairness, always led me to make—was this: Margo was not a miracle. She was not an adventure. She was not a fine and precious thing. She was a girl.”
― John Green, Paper Towns
15. “We fatties have a bond, dude. It’s like a secret society. We got all kinds of shit you don’t know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances-we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the earth and we go down there in the middle of the night when all the skinny kids are sleeping and eat cake and friend chicken and shit. Why d’you think Hollis is still sleeping, kafir? Because we were up all night in the secret lair injecting butter frosting into our veins. …A fatty trusts another fatty.”
― John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
Okay, so I love John Green! Gimme a break! Anyways, hope you enjoy! =)
You Could Learn A Lil’ Something….
Anyone who has ever spoken to me (and by spoken to me, I mean has actually had a conversation with me, not a few meaningless words here and there) will know that the only thing I could ever be in love with are books (they’re more real and more beautiful than any person could ever be). I love reading, I love learning and gaining insight, and I love visualizing. I’m completely serious right now. Haha everytime I get the book I’ve been wanting to read for months, I get a little sad because I know that within a few hours, I’ll be done reading it and it’ll all be finished. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Oh Christina, just read only a few pages each day and it’ll last longer!” No, faceless stranger. You do not understand; once I start reading the first page, I literally (ahhha…literally…) cannot stop! I can’t! I must read more! I wish there was no such thing as an “ending.” That all good books continued on and on… (I cannot emphasize enough on “good”; God fucking forbid Twilight stretched on). That’s kind of why I like series like Harry Potter or Uglies. But, even series have to come to an end, much to my dismay.
Being 18, I think people expect a surge of knowledge to occur within the brain once they turn 18. Those who know better know that knowledge is a matter of progress. What we know is what we’ve accumulated as we’ve developed. I feel like most of what I’ve learned derives more from the books I’ve read as opposed to experiences I’ve endured or from others’ accounts (my age or older).
1. In Kindergarten, the book Chicka Chicka Boom Boom was on high demand amongst us 5 and 6 year olds. It was a simple book with simple pictures and simple sentences and simple rhymes. It was a simple book (obviously, they weren’t having us read Tolstoy’s War and Peace back then). Anyway, that book essentially taught me the bloody alphabet. Haha for little kids, I definitely recommend this book.
2. Second and Third grade were completely filled with Russian and Irish folklore. I don’t remember learning anything from these two separate kinds of books; I was just more interested in the story than anything else. Later, I became immensely interested in Mercer Mayer’s Little Critter books. Aside from the fun illustrations and funny creatures, these books made me really appreciate my family, family morals, and family values such as the importance of siblings and how lost I’d be without my parents. Sounds cliché? Then you can go fuck yourself ‘cause even the most trite of phrases can still ring true. I’ve never been one of those kids to go around saying “Waaahhh my parents hate me blah blah I have no one blah blah no one understands me!” Sure, my parents are unreasonably strict sometimes or over reactive or unfair, but they’re my parents. They’ll just have to do=) Same concept kind of goes for siblings; even though they annoy me to death, their immaturity amuses me ;)
3. In 4th grade, I became interested in the Harry Potter series (there were only four of the books published back then though). JK Rowling’s originality, creativity, and talent were obvious in the series! I loved everything, absolutely loved it all! I didn’t realize how much I loved the series until I was in high school and would randomly quote the books or make humorous references that only other Harry Potter readers would catch. For some reason, just after I turned 10, I came to the conclusion that the Harry Potter series were immensely dark. At the age of 16, I began to wonder at how the book really characterized power and focused on death. Dying (and the fear of it) seemed to be a central idea within the series. This book just helped me realize how much Death impacts the lives of everyone and how (again…this will sound trite) we’re all connected by Death. It’s like…okay, it’s like when you go to a big outdoor concert and there are so many people, so many strangers. You don’t know any of them and they don’t know you, but you both are connected by the music and once the band starts playing, these strangers don’t seem so strange anymore. You feel a bit connected to them. That’s what Death does. It connects us to the same fate whereas we separate ourselves while we’re alive.
4. It’s about to get a bit morbid. In 5th grade, I read this book called Broken Doll which retells the true story/case/investigation of Roxanne Doll, a seven year old who was abducted, raped, and murdered by Richard Clark, a family friend, back in 1995. I had checked this book out from Mission Library, expecting a ghost story about a killer doll or something, but what I read was a terrifyingly true story that not only included explicit details, but explicit pictures as well. 16 pages of pictures…I read that whole book and I have to say….it really, really fucked me up. I mean, growing up, I knew people did evil things (my mother would tell countless stories she’d hear on the news or something) but for some reason, this book really hit me. The author was a friend of the Doll family, he knew what happened, he knew Roxanne. It was real. I actually think that the book traumatized me a bit. From 5th to 9th grade, I had a terrible Touch Issue. I did not like to be touched, especially by guys. I truly hated it and I don’t really know why that book had that effect on me rather than something else. After a few weeks, my mom noticed the slight change in me and we had a talk. She asked me a few questions that I think are too personal to relay on the Internet and I answered “no” to each of her questions, simmering her fears. In the end, I told her about the book and she ordered that I return it and never check it out or read it again. Even though I did as she ordered, the effects still remained with me for 4 years (the Touch issue). Broken Doll made me realize just how real evil is, how reality is far more terrifying than nightmares, creatures, or ghost stories and how fucking ugly and sinister a human, stranger or not, can be.
5. Scott Westerfeld is another talented author. As a freshman, I had read the Uglies trilogy, Peeps, and So Yesterday. The Uglies trilogy essentially made me realize the manipulation of society that many fall victim to, the manipulation of words such as “pretty” and “ugly.” Who got to decide what is beautiful and what is not? It was more than that whole “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” though. It was the mental programming of society as well as how much people set in store based off the exterior. I guess that’s why I get a little annoyed when someone compliments the way I look on a certain day or calls me pretty or something. It’s ridiculous, I know, and I shouldn’t get annoyed; they’re just trying to be nice, most of the time. I just…I’d rather they compliment me on something more important and real, something that matters. It’s not even a matter of insecurity either; I just don’t think appearance is very important and definitely not important enough to be complimented for.
6. Death: The High Cost of Living. Neil Gaiman is another brilliant and original writer as well. This graphic novel I absolutely loved because Death isn’t merely a concept anymore. Death is personified and a bit similar to the biblical angel Azriel, except more modern of course=) The main thing I grasped from this novel is that Life, no matter how dull or pointless or bad it may seem, is fucking awesome as hell. Simple, but true.
7. The Great Gatsby. Amazing work of literature. I loved every bit of it. The Great Gatsby revealed to me the superficiality of the American Dream and how corrupted others prove to be to maintain a certain image of lifestyle. Even though I loved it, it really angered me that Gatsby would be in love with such a flaky girl such as Daisy. She’s smart, yes, but she’s also very stupid and clearly unhappy (though she tries to ignore it).
8. Early in my senior year, I appositively fell in love with Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. This collaboration of a book was so hysterical and lovable=) It genuinely made me wish the World would end just ‘cause the authors made Armageddon look funny=) This story made me see the fault within the contrast between good and evil (more specifically God and the Devil and etc). It’s almost like watching The Icecats and Sundevils play against each other; there is no good team/bad team thing going on….there are only teams. And, the general idea is that you pick and stay loyal to one team….which I kind of despise, really.
9. Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go was another book I read mid-senior year. I was taking AP English Literature and each quarter, we had to do an analysis on a book of our choice. I had first heard about Never Let Me Go when I saw a preview on TV for the movie. Aside from the fact that it contained my favorite actress Keira Knightley, I was drawn to the movie because of how exceptionally eerie it looked. So I did some research and found out that it was based off a book. So I decided to read the novel and do my analysis on it before watching the movie. This book is so depressing but…I really really love it. I do. The reason it’s so depressing is because it mirrors humanity perfectly; how warped we are within emotions we don’t understand, how we’re constantly seeking the purpose of our existence to find some sort of meaning in our lives, and all the aspects of Life (how brief it seems, what we do within that life, what matters and what doesn’t, etc) and how we all try to rage against the same fate that we all must meet.
10. Paper Towns is probably my favorite book. I read it near the end of my senior year and I instantly loved it (I love a lot of books, don’t I?) and immediately researched the author John Green as well as his other novels. The reason I loved Paper Towns so much was because Green successfully and almost effortlessly made it so that you feel whatever the antagonist, Quentin Jacobsen, feels. This is a story that the youth can relate a bit to as far as wanting to escape a town so frail and fragile, wanting to do something worthwhile. It’s hilarious, it’s witty and clever, and it’s realistic (something that can happen). You fall in love with Margo Roth Spiegelman. You fall in love with Quentin Jacobsen. You laugh at Q’s smart, endearing friends Ben and Radar and Lacey. You become a little teary-eyed due to the enlightening ending. You fear what Quentin fears as he ponders all the possibilities. And, you undoubtedly realize what Margo makes Quentin realize. You’re there with them all. When Margo and Q encounter Robert Joyner’s body or when they go on their little midnight adventure dressed as ninjas (well, Margo is anyhow). When Quentin, Ben, and Radar all visit the stripmall afraid and anxious and when they sneak into Margo’s room to find clues. When Ben superglues a beersword to his hand. When Quentin spends prom night alone in the stripmall, wondering and worrying about Margo Roth Spiegelman. When Quentin, Ben, Lacey, and Radar all skip graduation to go in search of Margo and when they find her in a paper town. You’re there through it all and you feel almost everything Q feels. What I learned because of this amazing and intelligent novel is that you have to, in the end, accept everyone for who they are and to understand that we are all just humans. It made me realize how often and how all of us have a certain idea of each other, of what someone is, but that’s our flaw. We think of each other as idea when we’re all only humans. Anyhow….that’s what I got out of it. There’s much more, but I always have trouble explaining what this book means to me=) Gosh, EVERY John Green book is amazing and I recommend his novels for everyone! They are the best that I’ve ever read, I swear=)
This is why I love reading….Haha I’m such a nerd=P
BeLIEve
Dear You,
Today, I’d like to discuss this whole concept of “God,” and “religion.”
First let me declare that I have no religion, I never did, and possibly never will. My parents never thought of religion as a priority, despite the fact that they were both raised by Catholic families, so they never enforced any religious practice or beliefs while raising us. In fact I didn’t even know what “religion,” meant until I was in third grade. It was definitely a lesson. But, I didn’t learn it through the words of a teacher.
The first day of third grade, the natural first thought going through all the girls’ minds were “I wonder who will be my best friend this year?” That was extremely important back then haha. Anyway, I don’t remember how or why but I chose the quiet pretty girl Linette as my best friend and she chose me as well. We both loved to read and learn about space. The only difference was that she was very reserved while I was annoyingly extroverted….or I thought that was the only difference. One day (I think it was the fourth or fifth day since I had started third grade), Linette and I were playing in the sand near the Spider Gym (that’s what we called it) and she randomly asked “So what’s your religion?” I replied, feeling immensely confused, “Religion? What’s that?” She explained that it was a….sort of system or something……based on beliefs concerning human nature
which people would “have to follow by or else they’d be punished.” I wondered a bit about it through the rest of the day. I brought it up to my mom who responded “No, Daddy and I didn’t want to give you guys a religion. We want you guys to make up your own beliefs.” The next day I told Linette what my mom told me. I remember feeling a bit…proud while telling her. I guess it made me feel as if I had some sort of freedom compared to her….just the knowledge that I could believe in anything I wanted, could make my own beliefs….Haha almost like making up my own little fairytale or something. However, Linette, after listening intently, didn’t seem as happy I was. In fact she seemed extremely sad and disappointed as she shook her head and said “You’re supposed to have a religion. Me? I’m Jehovah’s Witness.” I remember at this point, her response increased my confusion as I asked “Who’s Jehovah?” Now that I think about my response, I can’t help but laugh! Man, I was such an idiot. Anywho, she said “That’s not the point. You’re supposed to have a religion. My father says everybody has to have a religion, preferrably ours.” “Well….my parents said I don’t have to so I don’t want one,” I replied a bit annoyed with her. She sighed and said “Well, then you’re going to hell. You and your family.” I stood gawking at her, shocked by what she said. See, the thing is, while my parents didn’t teach us about God or religion or the Bible, my grandma and grandpa would often talk about Heaven and Hell in front of us, not to us. While they didn’t mention God or religion in their discussions, they basically said enough to the point where my sisters and I knew that Heaven is the place for good people while Hell is the place for bad people. I knew Hell wasn’t a place anyone would want to go. After Linette said that, I remember asking “Linette…we’re supposed to be friends…why did you say that? That was hurtful.” Linette contiued shaking her damn head and said “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings…But, my dad said if someone isn’t a Jehovah’s Witness, they go to Hell….In the end, only the Jehovah’s get a good life.”
Yeah….so after that…haha we weren’t exactly friends anymore.
Anyway, while she got some points wrong on her own damn religion, she succeeded in making me think about my own beliefs. I didn’t have any and decided not to worry about it….until I started learning about my other friends’ religions as I grew older.Many kids during my middle school years were supposed Christians or Catholics; I say this because they seldom followed the values and morals of their own beliefs. As I entered high school though, I had developed friendships with not only Christians and Catholics, but Mormons, Jewish, and Buddhists as well….Haha in fact, my first boyfriend when I was 15 was coincidentally a Jehovah’s Witness. While he didn’t try and force his religious beliefs upon me, I was very intrigued by not only his religion but religion in general….I always asked questions, always pointed out things I thought were odd…It was all soo….enlightening and confusing at the same time. My fascination with religion increased my curiosity of the Bible. Now, the Bible I believe is…..hmmm how do I phrase this without offending people…..a load of crap. There are so many….flaws! Example (my mother pointed this out to me one day): It says in the Bible (I think in the ten commandments) “Thou shall love thy neighbor,” which, of course, means to respect and accept your fellow man…but, Christianity is in strict opposition to the idea of Homosexuality. Contradiction. Like I said, load of crap…but it does make for some fun reading. I like reading Bible stories, interpretations of the Bible, and quotes from the Bible which are beautifully written, but I’m not buying into any of the nonsense.
As far as a higher power goes…I’m still uncertain. I believe the universe is too complex to have been a “scientific accident.” I mean, even scientists acknowledge the fact that everything, the shape, the rotation, the angle of the Earth is exactly perfect. It had to have come out of someone’s imagination. That’s what I think, but I still have my doubts.
Anyway…that’s all I wanted to say today=) Here’s a funny little conversation between my friend and I (this topic reminded me of it):
Me: Brian….do you believe in God?
Brian: Hmmm I’m not sure…do you?
Me: I don’t know….hmmm…do you believe that Jesus was a real person?
Brian: A real person? Yes. Messiah? Not so sure.
Me: But it was said that he had powers, that he could heal the sick and-
Brian: Yeah? So can Tylenol.
Haha well…I though it was funny=)
Playing God (In Limited Times)
All I want, all I’ve ever wanted in life is to create something beautiful; music, stories, poems, sketches, pictures, etc. That’s the only thing that could ever make me truly satisfied with my time here on Earth. I suppose it is a bit ludicrous, the fact that such a young girl, with only 18 years worth of experience, should be contemplating matters as though her time was severly limited.
From another perspective, I have all the time in the world to create something beautiful, don’t I? Hmm nobody never knows though, that’s one thing I’ve gratefully learned from my mother, and am constantly reminded about. I can go to sleep a healthy person one day and suddenly never wake up. Haha I’m not trying to be bitter or depressing=) That is not my intention at all; it is a mere statement of fact. When people make lists of things they want to do before they die, it’s not a very assuring list? ‘Cause many create those lists with the mindset that they have all the time in the world, that death only presents itself to the old and the aged. Reality knows better, however.
I don’t know what brought about this realization. I know I mentioned earlier that creating something beautiful is all I have ever wanted, but it was only recently realized. Just thinking about everything that evokes some strong emotion from me such as the book Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro, the movie Fight Club, the song Ever by Team Sleep, etc. Thinking about how those creations came from the depths of human minds. How all those creations evoked different feelings from me. The one feeling they all had in common was Awe. They all left me in awe. That’s something I want to do…..
Something I will do.
I can't really describe myself, so I'll just go based off of what a vast majority of people see me as.Here's the essentials (once people get past my tiny frame and pale complexion and realize that appearance does not define someone): smart, wise, intellectual, awkward, kinda quiet yet kind of extroverted and offensive, absolutely sarcastic, contemplative, and real nerdy.
There's usually more essence behind most personality descriptions, but most people are never really interested in each other to that extent.
Make of me what you will.
